Centering process

I’m in the final part of centering myself.

The first time I’ve truly felt as though I’ve ‘got my shit together’. As in what I can control.

Not what I can’t. I’ve become really good at leaving things out of my control for time to sort out. Until then, I just move on with what I can control. That’s helped a lot. To be where I am with this is all thanks to all that I’ve been through over the last few years. Though these things exacerbated in the middle of the year and blew up, I faced it, hurt, picked up the pieces and moved on. People: realising differences, I parted ways with some people that were once important in my life to be able to pay my rent and save myself for the future. I attended to my family’s needs when they needed it the most and gave it my all. Literally my all. So I took a few months just to get my footing right again. It turned out that this was the season that brought endings to many of the difficult things I went through.

What could I and did I control/influence with my actions?

Namely the tidiness of my house, my belongings, my schedule, physical health and mental health. The basics.

So that’s what I did. I reduced my belongings, tidied up what I have, cleaned up the living spaces. Continued to respect my time, other people’s time and honoured work to keep myself afloat and keep advancing with my career. I started swimming regularly to silence out loud noises in my head, kept running to keep my heart running and head spinning. I gymmed to keep the upper half in shape too. I consistently took part in breathing meditation sessions in the community I’m part of to keep my mental fortitude up. What helped the most was getting my mental fortitude up. This reduced the length of my hiatus from things I needed to deal with. To myself and for myself, I became quite literally more powerful over time.

All this took a lot of time. Writing a to-do list for the day everyday, getting guidance from people I trust, trialling things that work for me and talking to people just for the sake of talking to people - to develop my ideas and see more of the world through people; moving with clear intention. No matter how minor, I took steps forward and no matter how invisible the end goal seemed, just strived towards it. Made things better for myself, got myself better food, belongings and and putting myself forwards and outwards. This kept my mind busy and body running. Maybe a little more sleep on the regular would have done greater wonders for me. Though, at the start of this week, in the span of 48 hours I slept 20 hours. All the pent up fatigue finally released through the sleep I needed.

I’m centered. But in order to keep myself in this centered or relatively centered position, I need to be consist in the effort I put into my life.

and no, this entire time, I wasn’t referring to being balanced in life. I’ve been talking about centering myself by my standards.

I wrote a few blogs throughout this year but tucked them away.

I’m returning with this.

Good to be writing again after a year.